HOLY CRAP - IT'S NOVEMBER AND SO MUCH GOING ON......

Sorry but November is still going to be under October for now! Maybe next weekend I'll have time to update! Does it matter? IDK?

How's everyone? I miss blogging SO much! I've been insane busy. The new job has me moving every single second. Daddy let me shop to decorate my new office today. Was fun! Need more - lol!! Like a BIG picture of Daddy!!! Hee hee hee!

The job - well so far so good. I think I'll like it. I feel important there. Needed. I enjoy that. Granted it's only been 2 weeks, and I still have so much to learn. I want to be at the point where I know everything and I can enjoy it instead of learning it. I want to be able to know what to do now. Again and as always and we all know patience isn't my thing. I even drive fast. I'm always running. Always going nuts. Non stop. Maybe that's why I don't sleep well???? I fear I'll miss something? LOL, my mother always said that.

So Daddy met my parents. For me it went as expected. I knew my mother would act as she did. I know she means well but heck I'm not a kid anymore! She said something when she left. "It's not what they do for you, it's what you want to do for them". She doesn't understand how much I want to do for Him. I want to give Him the world. Please Him.

Because I've been so crazy nuts lately between the new job and family obligations and sports, I know my head is not where it should be. I know I'm owned and will not deter from that, ever!, but I might "accidentally" make a decision on my own without even thinking. It's because I'm in "run mode". Do do do! Act act act! It's hard. It's hard taking a step back and letting Daddy do what He needs to do. I know the mistakes I make. I see them. For example He was trying to lead me through a VERY large crowd over the weekend and I maneuvered my way to lead. #MISTAKE. Daddy didn't say anything but I so knew He was thinking it. I'm always rushing. Never taking a step back. I need to figure out how to control the rush. Not sure at this age I can do that. It takes a conscious mind for sure. Darnit! I just have to do it!!!!

The playing aka sex with Daddy is still amazing as always. I cannot even explain to you what He does for me, to me. No one ever has made me feel or made me do what He does. It's so weird too because it's like my mouth was made for His cock. I do things with my tongue that I never have before. I love sucking His cock. It's the most perfect cock on the planet. I'd like to say it was made for me.

Anyway, still rushing. No pictures to share ... sorry. Maybe next weekend? But know, even though I'm rushing (and Daddy settling me) I'm so very happy!!!!! He's the best thing EVER! I love Him.

Thank You Daddy for You - oxoxoxoxox

11.2.16 - Yes I know it's November but....

...I have no time during the day w/ my new job to set up the November blog yet...maybe this weekend.

It's been 2 days since I've started my new job and well, I feel like it's been longer. Not sure if that's a good thing or a bad thing? I think I will do well in the position, but I just have to get to the point where I know what the heck I'm doing. In time.............but as we know patience and I are not friends.

Since I've started the job, I've been kinda stressed and not thinking. My head hasn't been where it's supposed to be. I let my emotion and over thinking and everything else take me away. Then I get out of control.

Tonight when Daddy came over, He took the problem (aka me) into His own hands.

Got a really really good spanking, which was VERY much needed. Again, made me cum until I had to beg Him to stop and then fucked me until I was sore. Exactly what I needed. Simply perfect.

I'm so happy Daddy knows exactly what I need. Besides, I'm not sure how much more of the crazy me He could take.

I do really want to keep up the blog as I enjoy it. I'm hoping once I settle in my new position at work I will be able to manage my time better. Stupid me was trying to control all those decisions. Daddy will make everything work. Duh!

10.25.16 Daddy did it again

He made me cum by oral sex.

I was so scared going into it because I was worried I couldn't do it again. I thought that would have made Daddy upset.

We discussed it afterwards and I told Him my concerns. He knows this is a process for me, something new to learn all over again. He understands. I'm grateful.

Welp, one week from today I will be starting a new job. Ironically I don't know which one yet. Since I've posted last about a job I've gotten 2 more offers. My last interviews are today so Daddy will be making a decision.

I am leaning towards one and explained to Him my opinion. He said He will take it into consideration.

I'm still nervous. Starting this new venture is making my anxiety heighten. I don't like doing new things because I get scared. I won't even go to a new place if it's not something surrounded by an area that I am comfortable with. I wish Daddy could hold my hand on the first day.

My head is still in a good place. Although I'm very tired right now, I am still very happy and settled. He's brought the best in me out and makes me want to be a better person. He's my best friend.
I never want to forget that feeling that Daddy gave to me on Sunday. Perhaps the smell of the flower we saw will make it a physical memory for me.

Any flower resemblance?

10.23.16 The Weekend

I simply cannot tell you in words how amazing my day was.

Well we did have a good night too. Wore my collar and leash out to a Halloween Party - hee hee hee. Felt so good. Honestly, when we got home I didn't want Daddy to remove the leash. I felt more connected to Him. Loved it. Like an umbilical cord, of sorts.

But today.....amazing.

I was up very very early and sat in bed while Daddy slept. I had some coffee and did some reading. After awhile Daddy woke up and we cuddled, watched tv, Daddy slept on and off, we touched, rubbed, connected. Daddy asked me what I was thinking. I was completely honest with Him and said I was thinking about Him licking my pussy while I was wearing my nipple clamps.

He ordered me to go and get my clamps.

I retrieved them and handed them to Him as I crawled back in to bed.

He, very slowly, played with my nipples as He placed the clamps. The immediate shock of the pinch felt so good.

Daddy then began to work His way down to my pussy. His tongue on me = no words. I don't think I've come orally in 5 years. Maybe more. I've had a really hard time with it. Not sure why or what happened. Maybe because of how I've been treated in the past? Anyway, oh my......I came. It. Felt. Amazing! He's broken almost every barrier I have. Daddy keeps breaking my wall down.

I have no idea why today, but it happened. Maybe His chipping away at my wall allowed my brain to release some 'brick' and I had no inhibitions?

After I came, I started to rub Daddy's cock and massage His balls. At one point He ordered my mouth on His cock. I can't tell you how wet that made me. I love His order. His strong voice. His Dominance. I might have been able to cum from it. Once in awhile Daddy would force me to swallow all of Him. I love hearing Him groan. It's one of my favorite things in the world to hear. His pleasure equals mine.

Daddy took me then. All the ways He likes best. Countless times of cumming. This Man is amazing!

Now, not that all of this was simply perfect, but what Daddy did next was the most awesome thing ever.

After a shower together, we dressed and Daddy took me to a beautiful flower farm. We listened to a lecture and then were able to walk around and enjoy the property. He even bought me cute little gifts from the gift shop.

Back at home I laid my head in His lap as we made small talk. Daddy confirmed that our future will be solid as this day.

After Daddy left to go home, I reflected about the day and how I felt.

Guess what??????????? I actually felt like MYSELF. Like my old self reappeared and I found me! The person who is really nice to people and enjoys chatting and is friendly and loving and kind. That's me! Not the bitter and angry person who is afraid to be herself because she is worried about what others think. I realized that no matter what others think of me it really doesn't matter because all that matters is what He thinks. He is my life. Not what all these meaningless people around me.

My heart is filled with so much of Him and how happy He has helped me find me and who I used to be. There are no words to explain how happy I am. After all of these years I remember what it feels like to be free and happy and me.

He truly is a Master.....

Master Daddy....

PS - Yes, I do have pictures to post of our play night, but they simply aren't good enough for how He's made me feel about myself today. No picture could ever explain it. But I will post pics on a different post......for all you pervs! ;)

10.21.16 Last night felt so good

I was spanked in a different position this time. It was hard not to move. Daddy said the other way is much easier on me. He's right. He told me that I will be spanked in this position more often and no longer over His knee.

Before we started, I was playing with clothes pins that were left on the kitchen table. Was a mistake because then Daddy used them on my nipples. He then slapped my tits making the pins moves.

The pain felt so so good. I know that I need more. I think Daddy knows it too. I've been carrying too much stress and responsibility on me and it needs to be released so that Daddy can take it over.

After being spanked, Daddy put me on the bed and forced me to cum over and over and over again. I literally, as I often do, begged Him to stop. I was trying to be so good by keeping my ass in the air for Him, but I couldn't do it. The force of me having an orgasm makes me move. I need more practice. He doesn't want me to move.

He makes me feel so amazing. I literally crave Him.

I think this week has been a good learning week for me. We've talked a lot and maybe it's starting to sink in. I know it won't happen over night, but I know that it will happen. I will be His good sub. One that never questions and just obeys. One that doesn't try to take away responsibility from their Dom and leaves it where it belongs. One that doesn't think or make decisions and leaves it with the one that does. I will do all of this. For Him. For me. For us.

For the first time, Daddy took some video of Him taking me. I can't stop watching it. My absolutely favorite part is watching His amazing hand on my ass. I'm sure He will allow me to share with you soon. Stay tuned.......

10.20.16 Rambles

I was told to blog today. I suppose it's a good thing since I do have some things on my mind.

For starters, I was punished last night. Daddy found out that I haven't been doing something that He asked me to do. I was very nervous to hear what His punishment was going to be because His  punishments are in no way good. I am afraid of them. A reason I'm afraid of them is because I actually have to do them in full effect, where as before if I was punished long distance sometimes I could sort of minimize the punishment. Anyway, Daddy made me pinch my nipples really hard for 3 minutes. Then He pinched and played with them for a short time after.

Now I know what you're probably thinking. Not that much of a punishment right? No, but it wasn't that much of a bad thing I did wrong.

I can't say that I was disappointed that I was punished this time. I know that Daddy thinks I thought He has been a pushover in the past and I know that He is proving that thought otherwise. Although He doesn't need to, I think a little scare in me is a good thing. Again, I reference the parent child thing. I know if my parents didn't scare to punish me as a kid, I would have been a much worse child. True fact.

Other rambles....new job stuff. I might have 2 more offers on the table after I already accepted the one. What do I go for? The money? Probably. I need to leave this in Daddy's lap though. He's to make the decision. I know that He will keep in mind the money, the benefits and any retirement plan the companies may or may not have, among other Daddy thoughts.

During my day I read this article today on staying focused. I know, as does He, that I have been having this problem a lot lately and I know it's because my mind is preoccupied with other things going on in my head. That and my mouth/brain filter have been non existent. The article said that I should journal about these things and it will help release them from my mind and be able to focus better. I'm not sure that will help me because I am a natural over thinker. So...what else is on my mind?

• Job - what one do I take, I want more money, will I like it, have to travel further - yuck
• Money
• Booking flights 
• Moving
• My submission to Daddy and focusing better
• My submission to Daddy when I'm around my child and how I act towards my child when I'm around Him. I want to be/act submissive then too, but I can't do that in front of my child. I'm very strong. I'm a single parent. 
• My child's sports schedule and health
• My blog
• My weight

....think that's it. I can't do anything about booking flights until I get a check I've been waiting for and I hate being patient about it. I'm not a patient person. 

On a fun and silly note, Daddy and I are going to a Halloween Party this Saturday. I'm wearing my collar to the party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes! LOL. Think anyone will realize that it's really mine? 

I also miss playing with Him. I'm hoping to play some after the party, but I don't know if we will be able. It may ending up being too late. The following weekend, well, the parents will be visiting. But I shouldn't worry about it because that's is all in His lap. I have no decision on it anyway. Just miss it. 

10.16.16 Feeling bad

No "playing" last night. We were kinda just like a vanilla couple having sex. I know Daddy was concerned because I haven't been feeling well, and my back hurt crazy bad yesterday. (Have this bad sciatic issue) I felt bad because I knew that He really wanted to play. He even told me in a text this afternoon that He misses tying me up and doing things to me and to get better soon.

We also discussed how badly I need to be spanked. Sort of the physical reminder of who I am. Probably some more release as well.

I feel bad being ill and I feel bad because I feel I haven't been a good submissive. Daddy mentioned that I'm very "toppy" when I'm sick. He's very patient, and hasn't said anything, but I wonder if He should have.

I get in this mode of controlling everything around me because I have to and then I'm on a roll and can't stop. How do I slow down? How do I control my thinking? This seems to be an ongoing issue with me. Someone needs to help me stop because clearly I can't do it on my own.

I know Daddy will be upset because I'm beating myself up, but I can't help it.

Now I'm thinking about the non-playing again.....I wonder if Dom's get like submissive's when they don't play. Do they go through some sort of mental thing as well? Withdrawal? I'm curious about that.