10.25.16 Daddy did it again

He made me cum by oral sex.

I was so scared going into it because I was worried I couldn't do it again. I thought that would have made Daddy upset.

We discussed it afterwards and I told Him my concerns. He knows this is a process for me, something new to learn all over again. He understands. I'm grateful.

Welp, one week from today I will be starting a new job. Ironically I don't know which one yet. Since I've posted last about a job I've gotten 2 more offers. My last interviews are today so Daddy will be making a decision.

I am leaning towards one and explained to Him my opinion. He said He will take it into consideration.

I'm still nervous. Starting this new venture is making my anxiety heighten. I don't like doing new things because I get scared. I won't even go to a new place if it's not something surrounded by an area that I am comfortable with. I wish Daddy could hold my hand on the first day.

My head is still in a good place. Although I'm very tired right now, I am still very happy and settled. He's brought the best in me out and makes me want to be a better person. He's my best friend.
I never want to forget that feeling that Daddy gave to me on Sunday. Perhaps the smell of the flower we saw will make it a physical memory for me.

Any flower resemblance?

10.23.16 The Weekend

I simply cannot tell you in words how amazing my day was.

Well we did have a good night too. Wore my collar and leash out to a Halloween Party - hee hee hee. Felt so good. Honestly, when we got home I didn't want Daddy to remove the leash. I felt more connected to Him. Loved it. Like an umbilical cord, of sorts.

But today.....amazing.

I was up very very early and sat in bed while Daddy slept. I had some coffee and did some reading. After awhile Daddy woke up and we cuddled, watched tv, Daddy slept on and off, we touched, rubbed, connected. Daddy asked me what I was thinking. I was completely honest with Him and said I was thinking about Him licking my pussy while I was wearing my nipple clamps.

He ordered me to go and get my clamps.

I retrieved them and handed them to Him as I crawled back in to bed.

He, very slowly, played with my nipples as He placed the clamps. The immediate shock of the pinch felt so good.

Daddy then began to work His way down to my pussy. His tongue on me = no words. I don't think I've come orally in 5 years. Maybe more. I've had a really hard time with it. Not sure why or what happened. Maybe because of how I've been treated in the past? Anyway, oh my......I came. It. Felt. Amazing! He's broken almost every barrier I have. Daddy keeps breaking my wall down.

I have no idea why today, but it happened. Maybe His chipping away at my wall allowed my brain to release some 'brick' and I had no inhibitions?

After I came, I started to rub Daddy's cock and massage His balls. At one point He ordered my mouth on His cock. I can't tell you how wet that made me. I love His order. His strong voice. His Dominance. I might have been able to cum from it. Once in awhile Daddy would force me to swallow all of Him. I love hearing Him groan. It's one of my favorite things in the world to hear. His pleasure equals mine.

Daddy took me then. All the ways He likes best. Countless times of cumming. This Man is amazing!

Now, not that all of this was simply perfect, but what Daddy did next was the most awesome thing ever.

After a shower together, we dressed and Daddy took me to a beautiful flower farm. We listened to a lecture and then were able to walk around and enjoy the property. He even bought me cute little gifts from the gift shop.

Back at home I laid my head in His lap as we made small talk. Daddy confirmed that our future will be solid as this day.

After Daddy left to go home, I reflected about the day and how I felt.

Guess what??????????? I actually felt like MYSELF. Like my old self reappeared and I found me! The person who is really nice to people and enjoys chatting and is friendly and loving and kind. That's me! Not the bitter and angry person who is afraid to be herself because she is worried about what others think. I realized that no matter what others think of me it really doesn't matter because all that matters is what He thinks. He is my life. Not what all these meaningless people around me.

My heart is filled with so much of Him and how happy He has helped me find me and who I used to be. There are no words to explain how happy I am. After all of these years I remember what it feels like to be free and happy and me.

He truly is a Master.....

Master Daddy....

PS - Yes, I do have pictures to post of our play night, but they simply aren't good enough for how He's made me feel about myself today. No picture could ever explain it. But I will post pics on a different post......for all you pervs! ;)

10.21.16 Last night felt so good

I was spanked in a different position this time. It was hard not to move. Daddy said the other way is much easier on me. He's right. He told me that I will be spanked in this position more often and no longer over His knee.

Before we started, I was playing with clothes pins that were left on the kitchen table. Was a mistake because then Daddy used them on my nipples. He then slapped my tits making the pins moves.

The pain felt so so good. I know that I need more. I think Daddy knows it too. I've been carrying too much stress and responsibility on me and it needs to be released so that Daddy can take it over.

After being spanked, Daddy put me on the bed and forced me to cum over and over and over again. I literally, as I often do, begged Him to stop. I was trying to be so good by keeping my ass in the air for Him, but I couldn't do it. The force of me having an orgasm makes me move. I need more practice. He doesn't want me to move.

He makes me feel so amazing. I literally crave Him.

I think this week has been a good learning week for me. We've talked a lot and maybe it's starting to sink in. I know it won't happen over night, but I know that it will happen. I will be His good sub. One that never questions and just obeys. One that doesn't try to take away responsibility from their Dom and leaves it where it belongs. One that doesn't think or make decisions and leaves it with the one that does. I will do all of this. For Him. For me. For us.

For the first time, Daddy took some video of Him taking me. I can't stop watching it. My absolutely favorite part is watching His amazing hand on my ass. I'm sure He will allow me to share with you soon. Stay tuned.......

10.20.16 Rambles

I was told to blog today. I suppose it's a good thing since I do have some things on my mind.

For starters, I was punished last night. Daddy found out that I haven't been doing something that He asked me to do. I was very nervous to hear what His punishment was going to be because His  punishments are in no way good. I am afraid of them. A reason I'm afraid of them is because I actually have to do them in full effect, where as before if I was punished long distance sometimes I could sort of minimize the punishment. Anyway, Daddy made me pinch my nipples really hard for 3 minutes. Then He pinched and played with them for a short time after.

Now I know what you're probably thinking. Not that much of a punishment right? No, but it wasn't that much of a bad thing I did wrong.

I can't say that I was disappointed that I was punished this time. I know that Daddy thinks I thought He has been a pushover in the past and I know that He is proving that thought otherwise. Although He doesn't need to, I think a little scare in me is a good thing. Again, I reference the parent child thing. I know if my parents didn't scare to punish me as a kid, I would have been a much worse child. True fact.

Other rambles....new job stuff. I might have 2 more offers on the table after I already accepted the one. What do I go for? The money? Probably. I need to leave this in Daddy's lap though. He's to make the decision. I know that He will keep in mind the money, the benefits and any retirement plan the companies may or may not have, among other Daddy thoughts.

During my day I read this article today on staying focused. I know, as does He, that I have been having this problem a lot lately and I know it's because my mind is preoccupied with other things going on in my head. That and my mouth/brain filter have been non existent. The article said that I should journal about these things and it will help release them from my mind and be able to focus better. I'm not sure that will help me because I am a natural over thinker. So...what else is on my mind?

• Job - what one do I take, I want more money, will I like it, have to travel further - yuck
• Money
• Booking flights 
• Moving
• My submission to Daddy and focusing better
• My submission to Daddy when I'm around my child and how I act towards my child when I'm around Him. I want to be/act submissive then too, but I can't do that in front of my child. I'm very strong. I'm a single parent. 
• My child's sports schedule and health
• My blog
• My weight

....think that's it. I can't do anything about booking flights until I get a check I've been waiting for and I hate being patient about it. I'm not a patient person. 

On a fun and silly note, Daddy and I are going to a Halloween Party this Saturday. I'm wearing my collar to the party!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Yikes! LOL. Think anyone will realize that it's really mine? 

I also miss playing with Him. I'm hoping to play some after the party, but I don't know if we will be able. It may ending up being too late. The following weekend, well, the parents will be visiting. But I shouldn't worry about it because that's is all in His lap. I have no decision on it anyway. Just miss it. 

10.16.16 Feeling bad

No "playing" last night. We were kinda just like a vanilla couple having sex. I know Daddy was concerned because I haven't been feeling well, and my back hurt crazy bad yesterday. (Have this bad sciatic issue) I felt bad because I knew that He really wanted to play. He even told me in a text this afternoon that He misses tying me up and doing things to me and to get better soon.

We also discussed how badly I need to be spanked. Sort of the physical reminder of who I am. Probably some more release as well.

I feel bad being ill and I feel bad because I feel I haven't been a good submissive. Daddy mentioned that I'm very "toppy" when I'm sick. He's very patient, and hasn't said anything, but I wonder if He should have.

I get in this mode of controlling everything around me because I have to and then I'm on a roll and can't stop. How do I slow down? How do I control my thinking? This seems to be an ongoing issue with me. Someone needs to help me stop because clearly I can't do it on my own.

I know Daddy will be upset because I'm beating myself up, but I can't help it.

Now I'm thinking about the non-playing again.....I wonder if Dom's get like submissive's when they don't play. Do they go through some sort of mental thing as well? Withdrawal? I'm curious about that.

10.15.16 Changes...and my first GIF

Yikes, where do I start...

First, I've been sick all week so haven't wanted to blog, plus I haven't really had anything to discuss and I'm not sure everyone just wants to read about some of my plain ole' days???

So here we go:

Those of you that have been reading my blog since the beginning know that I have been looking for a better job. Welp...finally found one. I start November 1st.

I'm very, very excited about this new opportunity. I will finally NOT be bored every single day, all day. Even have my own office! Woot! However...I'm concerned.

I'm concerned about the blog for one. I'm going to have to work on it in the evening now, and I hope I continue to do that. It really is something that I enjoy. Problem is, I do a lot of running around at night. Have to make sure I put some time aside.

I'm also concerned about not being able to talk to Daddy all day, as well as some others. I've built many good relationships with others that I speak with and I don't want to loose the connection. I guess that has me the most concerned. Loosing the friendships that I've built.

Took some time aside while I'm typing and I am thinking I should realize that everything will work out. That is how I will look at it going forward. Daddy did say that I should think that way so I should really try.

Something else this week..................haven't been very submissive to Daddy. I've been under a great deal of stress (self imposed), and I've been acting out. Not intentional mind you, and I feel horrible about it afterward, but sometimes it's so dam hard to remember my place. I get in this mode of taking care of everything that I have to around me and it comes out in my attitude with Him. How does a submissive switch mental roles so easily? Is there some mental training I can do myself. Do I have to stop and think before every single action? Maybe. Maybe Daddy can help me with this? Maybe I need a look in the eye or something?

I'm not sure if or what play will be happening later tonight because of how I'm feeling, but I know that I will share whatever happens with you, as always.

I've also just signed up for Facebook under Olivers Bea if you want to hang there. I just signed up so there is not much there yet. Daddy also told me no "nudes" there so I have to be careful. Darn Facebook takes away all the fun ;)!!!

Here's my first GIF though........................so pretty I think

10.7.16 I wrote my story, but...(oo)!

I wrote down, since I remember and what I remembered, all of the pain that I have been through. Daddy has read it.

I need to let it settle with me for a few days. I also need to reread it. I've already added a few things that I've forgotten.

In the end, I'm not sure if I should publish it or not.

Daddy is right when He says that I don't take criticism well. 100 people could say something wonderful and all I will do will stress over the 1 person that didn't. Perhaps that character flaw needs to be fixed first.

I'm also thinking that perhaps maybe I should change the way I wrote it. Maybe make it more of a "story". A short story? I'm not sure. Like I said, it needs to sit with me for a bit.

I'm not sure if anything changed seeing my life written down in words. I will say I do feel a little lighter today. Not sure if it was from the writing or not? Perhaps because it's Friday and I'm lucky enough to have a 3 day weekend.

Daddy says that I need to make myself be okay with saying these people were bad, and that I don't need to carry them around for the rest of my life. They are dead.  Essentially they should be.

What I do wonder, is this normal? Do women like me, a true submissive, go through the same thing? If the answer is yes, how can this be changed? Start a support group? More thinking......

Daddy wants to make me better. Make me happy. Make me forget everything else because I am so happy. He's an amazing Dom, Daddy, Lover and Friend. I am truly lucky and I look forward to our future together.

....thank You Daddy for keep trying...

10.6.16 My night last night and more pics from the weekend.

First let me say ................... A M A Z I N G !!!!!!!!!! He is SO amazing. He can make me cum like no man has ever made me cum in my entire life. I'm seriously the luckiest woman alive. Please no one take Him from me.

After a walk, Daddy made me a cosmo. He makes them so yummy!

After I finished my cocktail, Daddy said that He had to use the restroom and that I should stand and remove my clothing. I did as He asked.

He brought a kitchen chair into the living room. He took my hand and as He sat put my body across His knees. He began spanking. It felt so good. I went into a zone. I was counting or thinking of the beach or something to help me get through the pain. I can't remember exactly what anymore. He moved His hand from my ass to my thighs and back again. A few times I screamed in pain, but then was able to get back to my place. I felt like He could have gone on forever.

He then ordered me to lay on the bed on my back. He spread my legs. Daddy then began to play with my clit very lightly using His fingers and tongue. His tongue feels so good on me. As I began to become more wet, Daddy would insert His fingers inside my pussy. He has this amazing look on His face when He plays with me. Like He's concentrating on my every reaction and basis His next move on that. Or like He's contemplating what to do next and how to make me feel. I love His face. Love watching His eyes. Like He's all knowing.

When I become very wet, Daddy places the wand on me and starts playing with that most awesome spot. I think He knows when I am going to cum because I just have to look at Him and He just either shakes His head yes, or at times and quite unfortunately, no. He didn't allow me to cum so quick last night. It's funny because I think I'm going through labor when He doesn't allow me to. I breathe in and out quickly. Somehow that makes me calm the urge to cum.

When He finally allowed me to cum........................I came again and again in wave after wave. Again, I begged Him to allow me to stop.

I cried. He released some of my emotion again.

Daddy laid next to me and held me until I stopped.

I leaned over to put Daddy's cock in my mouth and sucked Him differently than I ever have before. I love trying/doing new things/ways to suck Him. I think He was really enjoying it too, because suddenly He made me stop, pinned me flat on my back, spread my legs and put His cock into my pussy. He fucked me hard. It was, as always, perfect.

Towards the end when Daddy was about to cum, He flipped me onto my hands and knees and took me from behind. We came together.

10.2.16 An amazing 1st of October (My play night)

Whew! Still recovering. So exhausted. Saturday night was AMAZING.

Daddy and i had an early dinner with friends and were home before 9.

i poured myself a cocktail and Daddy and i sat on the couch for a bit. Playing, kissing.

i asked Daddy if i could suck His cock and He allowed me to. i cannot describe how much i love it. i swear it's the most amazing cock i've ever had. Perfect in each and every way. i love playing with it in my mouth. i love how Daddy reacts when i swirl my tongue around Him.

After awhile Daddy had me stop and He went and retrieved our toy basket.

Now i'm not sure of the order of things, but this is how i remember it.

Daddy had me naked, placed the mask over my eyes and moved me in to position. Below the beam. He spread my legs and placed the spreader bar between them. He then added the clamps on my nipples, the cuffs on my wrists and ankles and then added the rope. i loved how Daddy wrapped the rope around me this time. It felt so amazing on my pussy. Just perfect.

Because the rope was so perfectly done, when He placed the wand on my pussy, it was able to hang there and tease me. Oh i wanted to cum so badly.

After being there for a bit, Daddy removed me from the beam and bent me over the side of the bed. He spanked me, cropped me, and caned me. I LOVE that crop. Feels so good!

He then turned me over and placed me on my back on the bed. He spread my legs apart and suddenly i felt this amazing feeling on my clit. Oh my! It felt like His tongue was there, but different this time. Turns out it was not Daddy's tongue. It was this new toy that Daddy got that sucks my clit.

i'm not sure how long He left it there, but once He removed it He placed the wand my clit and whoa!!! Major sensitive. It was actually a bit hard to cum because of the sensitivity of it.

Daddy then took me as He likes. Again....amazing.

He is such an amazing man. Perfect. Perfection. i love Him.